Facing your fears - real or imagined

Confession time - I have a deep fear - it is an irrational fear of confined spaces.

Its not smart, its not logical, its not even due to any past incident or reasonable reason - its just an uncomfortable reaction to being in tight, sometimes cramped spaces.

I never used to be this way - it’s an irrational fear that has developed over the past few years. If anything I would like to think I am the opposite type of person - I’d like to think I would at least try most things…. but when faced with a closed in space, I break into a cold sweat. My heart rate begins to spiral and I just cannot cope.

Recently I had to face this fear and acknowledge just how irrational it is.

There I was in Florence Italy in the Campanile - basically a Bell Tower built in 1344 - it rises 414 steps to a beautiful view over Florence. In the early morning the tower is not too crowded so I made the climb to the first landing - the stairs are straight but a tight climb but no sooner had I begun, I started to feel closed in. I could see the light of the landing and was greeted with a spectacular view. My heart rate decreased and the fear was gone.

So after a few selfies and other photos of the view - I was off again - another claustrophobic staircase to another level - a higher view - same reward. It was the third level that caused the problem. The staircase was tiny - and no straight runs of stairs - all in a circle - there were people everywhere crowding the stairwell both up and down.

Nope no way - I couldn’t do it - the fear had consumed me. So I baulked - at some point the reward of a spectacular view at 85m was not enough to get me over the line.

However there was 1 problem - I now had to get down - back through those flights of stairs with an elevated heart rate and sweaty palms. I did 2 laps of the floor of the bell tower considering my options and made a break for it.

I started to count.....in Italian....

Uno

Due

Tre

Quattro

Cinque

Sei…..

All the way - step by step to 30 - the counting focussed me on remembering the numbers in Italian - until at Trenta (30) - again the heart rate quickened. So I started to count backwards …

Trenta

Venti- nove

Ventotto

Ventisette

Ventisei…...

The declining numbers brought me closer to the bottom - the closer to sanctuary. My heart rate decreased. The rhythm of the counting, the mind having to focus on another task was able to partially conquer my irrational fear.

You would think I would be happy - but I had not reached the top - I was not rewarded with the view and I had not conquered my fear entirely.

So I tried again - The Cupola of the Duomo in Florence is famous for its unique construction. It was designed and built by Brunelleschi - he devised a new form of construction to build the Cupola in the year 1436 - so revolutionary that it still stands today as the largest masonry dome constructed in the world.

The beauty of the design was the 2 skins of arches made of brick - the climb to the top of the cupola is 463 steps to a height of 114m - spiralling around the dome - entering inside under the frescoes in the interior of the church - then another climb inside the spine of the dome to the very top of the tallest building in Florence and of course an amazing view.

I started the climb but unlike the Campanile - I reached only the first staircase and my mind took over. I backed away. As quick as I could - no ’scusi signora’ from my lips - I pushed shoved and hustled my way out of there. The fear is so irrational that even if my loved ones were on those stairs my fear for myself takes over and I at all costs need to remove myself from the situation.

You would think that a supportive hand squeeze or words of comfort from a loved one would be enough to get me over the line - ironically this actually drives me to flee even faster.

So there I was feeling dejected and like a failure.

In my life I have always believed that if you put your mind to it and worked hard you can achieve what you seek. No matter how I talked to myself I could not seem to conquer this fear. I was going to have to accept that it had beaten me.

Or so I thought…..

A few days passed and I found myself in Pisa. Home of the Leaning Tower - another Bell tower built in 1372 of 212 steps - of course it leans - the gradient is steep - 4.5m from the base to the top - it was closed for 10 years due to concerns over the movement and the fact that it may well fall over!

Ok - so I steeled myself - this was the most famous tower I would have the ability to climb - it would also mean I would need to deal with not only an internal stone staircase filled with other climbers but also a steep gradient lean on the climb up.

The Guard explained that your visit is timed to 30 minutes only to climb and view and only 40 people at a time were allowed to be in the tower.

Great! This building was completed in 1100’s - clearly had issues with its foundations and I was going to climb it.

Second thoughts raced through my head. As I waited in the line for my timeslot I began to think about home and invariably business.

My job, my passion, my mission is to educate small business owners about bettering their businesses and meeting their goals. I take what they fear and I train and systemise to ensure that they have no fear. I am no role model and have no credibility to lecture if I indeed couldn’t meet my fears - however irrational.

I was going to have to do this - i was going to have to find a way to work through the fear in my mind and put 1 foot after the other and get to the top.

So it began - what I didn’t understand was that the centre core of the tower is hollow - duh - of course as it’s original function as a Bell Tower was to communicate the time to the people in the town. I entered the circular stairs and put 1 foot in front of the other. Everytime I felt the heart beat start to quicken or my palms begin to sweat I looked up away from my feet and upwards towards the landing I approached. Again I resorted to counting - and whenever the number I counted started to overwhelm me - I counted backwards. When counted backwards I again lost focus - I forced myself to then count in French - positioning my mind to concentrate on something other than the tiny cramped space I was stuck in that was scaring the life out of me.

I realised 2 important things about my irrational fear :

1. If I can see a way forward - or conversely a way ‘out’ it quells my fear

I can tell myself - don’t worry if you want to leave you can

1. If I can focus my mind on something I have to solve, to remember or recount - it makes my mind forget about the irrational part and trains in on a the rational part of my mind.

So the view at the top of the Leaning Tower of Pisa - over the Piazza dei miricoli (Square of Miracles) was spectacular. The reward was immediate.

Was I satisfied? In part - but now after looking at the beautiful view - I need to be able to climb back down. No point getting up there if I couldn’t get down!

What greeted me was a view of tiny cramped spiral stairwells where I could see the small space I needed to enter.

I don’t remember how I got back down - I think I just waited until everyone was busy taking photographs with the bells on top and made a dash for it. Round and round and round - till I reached the bottom.

Have I conquered my fear? - perhaps not - but I did manage to learn to control it - to focus in on what is important and see beyond the fear itself.

I have discovered a technique to enable me to control the irrational part of the fear enough to get myself through it. I discovered that my fear is not held by others and indeed their fears are not necessarily held by me.

In business and in life - we are dealt all manner of fears.

Fear of failure

Fear of loss

Fear of judgement

Fear of looking foolish

As small business owners the thought of the consquences can be the fear itself.

My job is to take those fears and use techniques to assist clients to get past the fears. To make their numbers clear and easy and make sure there is no fear - real or imagined.