Bullies are not bull dogs 

I will give you fair warning that this piece contains a bit dose of cautionary tale and an extreme lack of optimism.

Mostly what I like to write about topics that share my positive business outlook and learnings but this post is unashamedly designed to get something off my chest.

The past year has been extremely tough to be me.

Don’t get me wrong - I am not sitting here feeling sorry for myself - I wish what has happened to my business never took place. However it did happen and my reaction to it is now what I have to contend with.

I found myself placed in a situation where my business, my integrity and my competency were called into question - publicly and by a person who, by design, intended to intimidate and bully me into submission. This person is not and was never a client. They decided to attack my credibility and business without warning and regard for what I do.

Their motives ? I have my ideas on this but I do not want to speculate about that - this is no longer about them - it is about my reaction to this problem they created - instead I want to share the affect it had on me and my life.

Apart from my real babies (who are now kiddults) and my fur babies - my business is my other baby. It is something I have grown from nothing. Nothing.

No office, no staff, no computers, nothing - just me, my skills and education.

So you build a business - systems, processes, policies, methods and you work damn hard. The late nights, early mornings, weekends. You do whatever it takes to make it work.

When you reach a point where you see your version of success - the hard work is all worth it.

Now imagine - out of nowhere - someone decided to tell others that you lack integrity. But they don’t just whisper it - they make sure it is said loudly and publicly and just to rub your nose in it - behind you back. They just make sure it is said to the right people who you happen to work with in your industry. They make sure they throw the grenade from a distance. They smirk at you when they see your distress. They actively push the knife in deeper.

Bear in mind this person - is not a client, has never interacted with you professionally and has no idea that they have effectively just placed your business in crisis. They don’t care that you are an employer - they don’t care that other livelihoods are on the line if your business falters.

They actually just want to break you.

And they almost succeeded.

This is bigger than name calling

This is bigger than ‘he said she said’

This is big.

So after the inevitable falling apart - tears, anger, defensiveness of your business - you break.

You no longer can hold client meetings where there is any sense of negativity, conflict or disagreement. You don’t sleep, you don’t eat - then you eat too much, you pull your car over on the way to the office to retch into the bushes. You become convinced every situation is a negative and is ‘by design’ intended to harm your business. This is after all - your baby.

When someone threatens your child - you come out swinging. When someone threatens your business you fold.

However this business you have created is built on trust and control - clients expect you to take charge and be leading the example - how can you do this when someone has publicly called you into ridicule? You simply put 1 step in front of the other and you try desperately to move forward and not look behind you.

You ignore the vicious rumours that are circulated that you have had a ‘nervous breakdown’ because that is simply not true and you just try to get out of bed each day and nurture your precious ‘baby’ through the sleepless nights.

And you tell no one.

You don’t tell them there were days you ‘disappeared’

You don’t tell them of the self doubt

You don’t tell them of the illness.

When they complain you are hard to contact - you smile and make an excuse

You say ‘sorry’ a lot

You avoid the “How are you’ question

You mend yourself anyway you can

Clients are relying on you, employees are relying on you and a small coterie of friends, staff and family who see what is happening, surround you.

Everyone is entitled to an opinion - but NO ONE is entitled to target your business without reason. NO ONE is entitled to use your occupation as a way to tear you down.

NO ONE is entitled to use excuses to hurt you like this.

You see , when this person did this - they actually had no idea what they were hurting. They knew their actions caused distress and harm - that was their clear intention - they failed to see the affects it has on the 1 person who is the strength of that business - me.

After a long time - and heavily reliant on awesome staff who have my back - I am mended. I don’t listen to the rumours because they are just that - rumours. I no longer run away from difficult situations - I try to deal with them. My methods have changed - I have to actively bring a resolve that always came naturally and now is something I need to conjure.

I changed because I was forced to.

I made decisions I didn’t want to

I decided to ensure that this person would be held accountable for their actions

So almost a year on and my business ‘baby’ is still growing. My parenting skills have changed and it certainly has not been what I expected.

So now I have to fight again - fight the person who caused all this distress - not out of spite or revenge - but to ensure that no one else EVER has to be made to suffer the way I did.

I don’t know if I will win - but rest assured there is a whole pile of fight left in me to action what is right and just. So if ensuring no one else falls to this game of spite and ridicule is a win - I’ll take that.

I am not expecting an apology- this person has never built a business from nothing - they have no idea what that is like.

I am not expecting vindication - because they made damn sure some people still believe the rumours.

I am not expecting remorse - their smirking smile while watching me suffer - sticks with me to this day.

What I am expecting is closure.