Falling in Love for the second time.

I am in love - Italy has crept up and inhabited my soul.

It has made me sleep better, think better and even take time to breathe.

I love the food, I love the language, I love the Italian way of life.

If Paris is the City of Lights - Venice is the City of Love.

Not gonna lie - there were times in 2017 when I hated my business.

I found it hard to get up in the morning and face the day.

If you know me at all my usual routine is - up early (very early) off to gym, office emails and generally setup the day - all of this usually takes place prior to 7am. I'm not a martyr - I love it.

Then I feel I am ready for my day. It's not for everybody and I am certainly in bed by 830pm most nights but it works for me.

In 2017 I let myself slip into a 'rabbit hole'. I couldn't do it.

I let others make decisions for me and my business and I felt I had no control.

I questioned my leadership, my abilities and my whole 'why'. I let people talk about my leadership - I let them have opinions of me that were not fair or just not 'ok'.

It affected my business and it affected my life. It turned what I love - my business - into something at times I hated.

So what do you do when you are running on a treadmill like the hamster on the wheel - how do you see the light for the clouds ?

Having money in the bank, cash in the till, food on the table are provided by your business. But is it enough ?

I simply had to fall in love with my business again. I had to re find that energy. Or it would break me.

So I tried a few things....

1. I made a deadline - I pushed through the pain of being a technician in the business to the Xmas closedown. That was my deadline I gave myself - I decided that was when I would act. Pick a time in your business when you are going to say "STOP" I want to get off this crazy ride and reverse the journey. Make it achievable.
2. I took time away - I left the country, I left my phone, put an 'out of office' on my email and mentally checked out of my business. You need to let go before you move forward - check out of your business, turn off the phone and email - just create a space to think. It may just involve having a a day off - a mental check in to your self and your business.
3. I gathered my confidence - Usually the people causing the unrest in your business are strong willed and hard to navigate. That's why you don't have the awkward hard conversations - with clients, with employees, with colleagues. I knew I had some awkward hard conversations to have on my return so I needed to build my self belief. I did what works for me - I read, I read, I read and then I wrote. I read blogs, I found quotes I connected with and I listened to inspiring stories from other business leaders who had also 'fallen into the rabbit hole". Some I identified with - others I disagreed with - but it framed for me how I felt about my leadership and my business. Work out what makes you feel 'supreme' and do it - is it relaxing with a massage, pampering yourself, running that hill, taking that thrill ride? Just do it and feel good - get the positive endorphins flowing. Then you will have the courage to face the difficult.
4. I wrote it down - I wrote down everything I hated about my business - a list of hurts - it was seemingly a big list - then I broke that down into WHO was responsible for these events happening and HOW they happened - that clarified to me who I had to have the awkward conversations with. I also ranked these list of hurts into what was most emotional to me, down to the least. Some of them I had to decide were simply a part of my business and I need to suck it up and just stop whining about them. Others I determined the action plan.
5. I sat on it - thats where I am now - I have folded the list of hurts and actions and placed as a bookmark in my travel diary. I have another 2 weeks in Italy to continue to rest, recuperate and recover my love of my business. I have time to think about these hard decisions - I have time to lose a little of the anger when I wrote the list. I need to rediscover a love and a passion for what I do and a part of that involves not only saying NO but also saying YES with confidence to stop holding myself back.

No one dies wanting to have "I wish I spent more time at work' on their headstone. Equally we spend a lot of time at work and 'in' our businesses. I want to fall in love again with my business - not like I fell in love for the first time - all giddy and stupid - I want to love it so I wake up wanting to be the best I can be. For me my business shouldn't just pay the bills, it should make me smile.

"You may have the universe, if I can have Italy" Giuseppe Verdi