What's your 'fight' song ?
When you start a business they don't talk about anxiety...
… I don’t really care if no one else believes
Because I still have a lot of fight left in me”
I want to talk to you about anxiety .
Particularly anxiety in business.
Have you ever gotten up in the morning - with a lump in your throat, butterflies in your stomach, sweaty palms and just feeling you do not have this in control.
That you simply ‘do not got this?
In life we are meant to be in control.
As a bookkeeper – clients look to me to have ‘control’. I am meant to be in control, calm and living the self employment dream.
Then life gets in the way.
Things don’t go as you planned, and the sense of panic creeps in.
Recently I had what I am terming a ‘2 week long panic attack’.
Let’s be clear – I don’t get panic attacks, I just do not ‘do’ anxiety, I don’t understand depression, ‘black dog’ - what dog ? Generally I like dogs ?
My business philosophy is that when you face a problem in your business – you work harder, you work smarter and then you work harder again. You throw people at the problem, you just get it done. There is a deadline – suck it up princess, put on the big girl panties – there is no room for ego in this business.
So what do you do when your ago old ways of coping just don’t work ?
The panic sets in again – the sweaty palms start again – the shortness of breath – the irrational behaviour….
Recently in my business I was faced with a problem that I could not fix – I just couldn’t do it anymore – I couldn’t face my office, and no matter how hard I worked – nothing went right. We all face those watershed moments in our businesses - trust me if you haven’t - it will come. I do not wish it upon you and the reason for me baring my business ‘anxiety’ is to possibly be a part of ensuring it does not happen to you …
It has changed my attitude to my business, my health and my relationships.
I didn’t start out in business to feel like I failed- fundamentally my first step was to re visit my ‘why’.
I wanted 3 things
- Live a great life
- Earn a decent living
- Help people using my skills
I was failing at all 3.
What the last few weeks have taught me is how to deal with anxiety, how to recognize the triggers and how to actually re learn to achieve my 3 point life goals.
So - let’s climb into the trenches with me (I’m still there!) and get down to the “down and dirty” of business anxiety.
- Don’t let people tell you to stop worrying
“All those things I did not say., the wrecking balls inside my brain”
If you suffer from being a ‘worrier and overthinker’ like I do – don’t let people tell you to stop it. That’s akin to saying – don’t breathe air – it does not work and will drive you MAD
Instead you need people who give you something to ‘do’, ‘think’ or ‘say’…you need a strategy, a hope, an ‘out’ of those feelings.
For weeks I avoided anyone in my life that could potentially make me feel guilty about my anxious state, definitely anyone that would make me cry and clung to those who just ‘got’ it. Who let me be
2. Don’t answer the ‘how are you?” question
“Losing friends and I am losing sleep”
3 little words that can decimate you – - the 3 “t’s” tears, tanties, tirades – they can bring the whole gamut of emotion in 3 little words. A wise colleague told me (whilst I was pulled over, in my car contemplating pitching my phone out my car window) – don’t let them ask you that – ask them how they are – get them talking about them – works every time - OMG she was right !! Just do not go there with the ‘how are you’s’ because chances are it is not great. Instead concentrate on the other ‘here and now’.
3. Harness the power of people that matter
“Like a small boat in the ocean, sending big waves into motion”
Recently I posted on facebook
I love my circle ... they tell me to breathe
They calm my crazy
They put up with my Kermit typing
They endure my motor mouth
They are my kind of wonderful
They know who they are
Real people saw my ‘twitchy eye’ – they recognized the nausea and hidden trips to the bathroom , they saw that I was ‘not ok’ and they didn’t turn a blind eye – instead they did simple things that were very powerful. They didn’t ask, they didn’t tell, they listened, they were just there, they prioritized me and my need to just be, speak, rant, whinge, complain and most of all they told me to ‘breathe’
In, out and in again.
4. Don’t be afraid to lose your cool – just make sure to find it again
“can you hear my voice this time ?”
There are times in your business when what people do is not ok – their expectations, their demands – their sides of the story – they are not fair, they are not true and they can crucify you.
Lose you cool – however this looks – it may means you go for a long walk, run uphill, burst into tears, throw a tanty – let it out – let the poison out – you have no ability to counter it whilst it is built up inside you.
5. Don’t be afraid to cut your losses
“my power is turned on, starting right now, I will be strong’
In the depths of my despair -= I saw triggers everywhere – certain people, certain work – that just did not bring out the best in me and I had to let them go – I had to say “this is not a fit for me”. Breaking up is hard to do and especially when one of your goals is to help people - sometimes you need the raft to be cut free!
6. Accept the failure and weakness but do not let it define you
“…like a single word can make a heart open”
I think I have read nearly every book published on mindfulness, business coaching and listened to every new self help guru imaginable.
What I take from them is - not to make my failures the new norm . My failures are there – I am human – but they should not define me. They are NOT the narrative.
OMG that's 6 points and I usually have '5' - breathe.....
What I took from my ‘2 week business panic attack’ was these techniques.
Ironically that first appointment that I was dreading attending was a client with her own vulnerabilities.
2 garbage bags of paperwork - screwed up - messed up and a complete disaster - to be precise.
She was feeling so vulnerable she likened it to being ‘naked’ in my office. So what did I do ? I got naked with her - that's how I roll.
I tipped out those 2 bags of paper and sent her off on some errand – just to distract her, keep her calm and meanwhile – I unfolded, I sorted, I organized, I scanned. I just did what I DO.
I made sense of what was overwhelming her. So when she returned I had it DONE!
I realized then and there that this was her ‘panic attack’ – this was her ‘sweaty palm’ moment not mine.
This was my gift – to make her not feel anxious about this. This was what I could bring.
A little while later – a colleague passed by the office and said “Whoa – that’s a pile of headaches” and I said “No that’s a challenge and I got this!”
What he saw as a headache I saw as a a way to be naked and be comfortable!
“It only takes one match but I can make an explosion”
So - tell me - what’s your fight song?
