The 7 Deadly Sins of business 2. Envy

This ‘sin’ of business is easy for me. I often fall into the trap of the sideways glance.

The old “I want what she’s having!”.

I am not a jealous person by nature BUT I found the only way to temper the envious feeling in my business is to think about what I have.

When you are so busy looking at other people, you can easily forget to look inside yourself.

Self belief is NOT something I am good at and I am still really surprised to hear what people perceive about my business.

There are days when I feel I am the swan - gracefully swimming across the lake - yet under the water the legs are pounding the water !

So how do you stop those inevitable sideways glances in business ?

Actively look at your ‘competitors’ and see what they are doing - more importantly what they are NOT doing. Are you prepared to go where they won’t ?

What do you like about what they do ? What don’t you like ?

1. Now - take the do’s and don’ts and decide if you want to ‘go there’. Set a goal to change based on this information - it will re focus you back to your own business rather than envying someone else.
2. Indulge in a little bit of envy - hey sometimes when you are sad, you have a good cry and then you are done with the sadness. When I am angry, I need to punch things, throw things and have a good old tanty - then I am good ! Actively read, look, search what you think you are envious of - list what and why - then close the book, put it away and come back and read it in a few hours or days - gives you perspective.
3. Remove the source of the envy - this emotion can be very irrational - perhaps you just need to remove the distraction? Stop following that person on social media - do you really need to see what they are up to ?

Here’s a story about my perceived envy.

When I was at University - my course group was small - we all knew each other - were we friends - I suppose friends is the word - yet I don’t catch up with any of them now. Perhaps if Facebook had been around I might have - indeed I am now Facebook ‘friends’ with some of them.

It was a competitive group - vying for limited graduate jobs in our field. There was 1 person that I always internally grappled with. Let’s call her NV. A strong personality and innately ‘perfect’ in my eyes in all facets of her life. Well that was my 21 year old self talking there.

In our final year we had to do a group project ( I used to dread group assignments - judge me on my merits not those of the group!) - it was to be filmed ( so I was well out of my comfort zone ) - we were being assessed on interview techniques. When it came time for my interview, NV was the interviewee and I was the interviewer. Her time in the interviewer chair was already ‘in the can’ and I had been the dutiful interviewee. My type of interview was Employee Discipline interview. NV decided at the last minute that it would be really dramatic for her as the employee to get really angry and storm out. I don’t know how the assessment went - certainly I passed - I have the tape but have never been able to bring myself to watch it.

For certain though I would say I never quite forgave her.

Time passes - and years later I see her on social media - we both married, have 2 kids and live our lives - both in different directions. Social media means I always see a glimpse here and there of her life. And I suppose her of mine.

Ironically last week I get called into a Client meeting to conduct an Employee Discipline interview and I do so with minimal preparation and nail the meeting ! I thought of my 21 year old self and all the doubt and envy I had of those who seemed so confident.

Later that week I take my usual jog down to the local beach and whilst the sun is shining I chat to a friend also enjoying a beautiful day on the surf coast .

Then I see them ! A guy walking towards me - he looks familiar ? Then I see NV - of course he looks familiar - he is the face in the pics on social media with NV - must be the husband . My blood goes cold. All of a sudden here is the person who caused me stress anxiety and downright envy walking on MY beach, in MY hood!!! All of a sudden I am reduced to that 21 year old ‘failure’.

I smile - plug in my ear phones and run. Yep pretty sure she didn't see me and I just don’t want to go there. All of a sudden I am reduced to that 21 year old ‘failure’.

- feeling exposed, raw, stupid and lacking all the confidence I usually have.

I do my best Taylor Swift and “Shake it off’ and get on with my day.

Later that week I am in a Training Course and I am informed we will need to present to the class - so for the second time in a matter of weeks - my blood runs cold. WHY ? I can do training sessions on my ear - it is what I do - why do I fear this ?

Old fashion envy had got in my head again - I was too busy looking at the other participants and their fabulous presentation ideas to critically look at my own and realise that “I have got this”.

I was rattled by NV. I had let her perfect persona get in my head AGAIN.

Who said she was perfect - she never did

Who said she was successful - she never did (Although I am pretty sure she is - and good luck to her!)

Who said I was not worthy? No one except that little person inside me.

The Envy I felt got in the way of my preparation. So I took my own advice - I had a little fume about how unfair this all was and how nothing in the world had changed since those gawky Uni days. Then I wrote a list - a list of everything I didn't think I could do and I thought others were champions at. I closed the book - opened a page from the back and got started on my presentation. I blocked all the other class members and their perfect presentations out of my mind and focussed on me.

The day arrived to present our material. I steeled myself with a short macchiato and some wise words from one of my peers. I went into the training room shaking like a leaf. I was a fraud, I didn't know this stuff and I definitely couldn't present it to others …who was I kidding ?

My normal reaction would have been to go last - wait out the others to see their work - check I had everything and obsess over the finer details - more importantly ponder and stress over what I would do if someone railroaded my delivery like NV had done all those years ago.

Instead I jumped early - my phone beeped with messages of encouragement - I stopped letting the negative emotion of envy consume me and I took the floor. I was going FIRST.

After 20 minutes that seemed like 20 years, I was done. The feedback was immediate and reassuring - the words ‘you’re a natural’ and ‘excellent’ were doled out liberally.

Hey, I even forgot part of the presentation order and improvised. No one knew !

The opposite emotion of sheer delight and ecstasy took over from the envy and associated lack of belief. I realised that I wanted what the others had because I did not think I had it. My envy of others had blinded me to the good gifts I had to offer.

I realised that envy can be an incredible driver - an oft missed opportunity to re focus and re purpose our mission.

I hope I see NV again in my ‘hood’ because I think I need to actually stop and thank her.